i just woke up from a brief nap in one of the study areas at my uni and—oh yeah!—it's the last day of classes for this semester. i would normally be in a lecture around this time but we actually finished a day early for that class so that time slot is empty now and i have some time to burn while i wait to start this test later.

the end of a semester always feels a little bit bittersweet to me, even if i am very excited for it to be over lol. i guess it's just the change in routine, you start to grow attached to it after a while, or at least i do.

i've felt my relationship with academia kind of sour over the years—i think i'm a bit over it at this point. i used to like school a lot though, i love learning and still do, but as i get older and figure out more or less what i would rather spend my life doing, i find myself getting more and more, i guess, weary of it? for lack of a better word. it always feels like i have to put my life on pause for a few months once the semester starts again. i need to put aside all the projects i've been working on, otherwise i start to split my focus between those and school and inevitably end up compromising on both. the push-and-pull between school and my own creative projects and desires has definitely been tiring me out this semester. maybe that's a pretentious problem to have, maybe it makes sense, i'm not sure.

another thing that i've been realising lately (and also lowkey gives me a bit of identity crisis) is that i don't think i'm actually that passionate about computer science. coding and programming is only interesting to me so long as i can find ways to use it creatively, which is probably why i have pretty much no interest in the much more technical topics in computer science like cybersecurity, etc. it's not necessarily the act of programming itself that i'm passionate about, it's what i can do with it; i probably wouldn't give a shit about whatever a hashmap is otherwise, lmao.

okay, some time's past, i just finished that test i was talking about! it was really easy, the professor of that class is pretty chill and said before that he'd make most of the answers obvious for this last test. one of the multiple choice options for, like, the very first question was something about collecting all 7 of the Dragon Balls (this is an introductory Anthropology class by the way, lmao).

anyway, i think another thing weighing over my head the past few months is that i haven't had (or given myself) many opportunities to meet other people, make new friendships and connections, that sort of thing. not that i'm not grateful and appreciative of the friends and relations i have now, obviously, i just thought i'd get out of my bubble a little more this time around but i guess it didn't pan out as much, oh well!

hope this wasn't too much of a downer to read! i've just been reflecting a bit on how this semester has felt. i'm still working on some fun updates to this site, some music related stuff. still learning how to relax a bit. i hope your days have been well! take care, here's a little demo idea i recorded a couple of nights ago: