right now i'm currently on the tail end of my week-long term break and a little bit tipsy lol. initially i had plans to record a bunch of demos for this album that i'm workshopping, but i never really ended up getting to it.

i saw this video, geared towards ADHD-havers, on the different kinds of rest—of which there are 7 apparently! (physical, mental, sensory, creative, social, and spiritual) and it got me reevaluating how i approach my free time, or at least to think about it more. i've always found it difficult to relax, at least since probably the back-half of high school? it's hard for me to force myself to do something leisurely on my own during my free time because i get this feeling a lot in the back of my mind that i should be doing something creative, and i think this mostly stems from the limited time i get to do work on creative projects from being in school and also just a general ADHD tendency some of us have to hyperfocus and overwork on the things that we're passionate about.

on the types of rest, creative rest was an interesting one to think about for me (go figure!). from what i gathered from the video, ideal rest is basicaly achieved through a good balance of all the different aforementioned aspects; not too much of each and not too little. i think i always inherently knew that there was a need to rest the creative part of the mind, but it always felt, i guess, counterintuitive? like, there's this thought i get a lot that i need to chase and ride out an idea when i get one, otherwise it'll drift away and i'll forget it forever. while reading a teeny bit on the subject i found a quote from poet John Ashbery that basically says something to the effect of wasted time is part of the artistic process, placing emphasis on the wasted part of that. which i think is ultimately what i struggle the most with: this kind of lingering guilt i feel whenever indulging in what feels to me like "wasted time".

i think it's a little funny that i have to remind myself to "waste time" so often. sometimes sitting down to watch something or to play a game feels almost taboo to me until i do them, but i tried to lean into those things a bit more this week instead of working on those demos that, realistically, i can get to any other time: i listened to some new music (one mentioned above!), played some games that i haven't touched in a while: some Minecraft, some Hollow Knight (which i still haven't gotten far into despite how long i've owned it lmao), et cetera, et cetera. even now, it feels kind of dumb and inconsequential somehow to be talking about that stuff here, but i guess that's the point!

after finishing this up i'll be going to straight to bed, take care and get some rest if you need it!